THE LAW OF FIVES

the PentaBARF

The Pentabarf was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth Year of The Caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone, while building a sun deck for his cave, but their import was lost for they were written in a mysterious cypher. However, after 10 weeks & 11 hours of intensive scrutiny he discerned that the message could be read by standing on his head and viewing it upside down.

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The Five Commandments
As Stolen From The Principia Discordia, As Is The Right Of All Discordians:

I – There Is No Goddess But Goddess And She Is Your Goddess. There Is No Erisian Movement But The Erisian Movement And It Is The Erisian Movement. And Every Golden Apple Corps Is The Beloved Home Of A Golden Worm.

II – A Discordian Shall Always Use The Official Discordian Document Numbering System.

III – A Discordian Is Required During His Early Illumination To Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously Of A Hot Dog On A Friday; This Devotive Ceremony To Remonstrate Against The Popular Paganisms Of The Day:

· Of Catholic Christendom (No Meat On Friday),
· Of Judaism (No Meat Of Pork),
· Of Hindic Peoples (No Meat Of Beef),
· Of Buddhists (No Meat Of Animal),
· And Of Discordians (No Hot Dog Buns).

IV– A Discordian Shall Partake Of No Hot Dog Buns, For Such Was The Solace Of Our Goddess When She Was Confronted With The Original Snub.

V – A Discordian Is Prohibited Of Believing What He Reads.*

Be It Known That We Are Not Discordians, Nor Are We Erisians. We Are, However, Followers Of A Chaotic Reality. Or More To The Point, We Believe That Reality Is Chaos And Order Is Folly.

No One Person Can Be Right At All Times. It Therefore Follows That No One Reality Can Be True At All Times. This May Seem Like A Large Leap In Logic, But This Is Religion, Not Logic. And We All Know That Religion Is About Taking Leaps Of Faith, So Have Faith In This Leap. Now Then...

If No Reality Is Always Real, Then Somewhere There Must Be A Group Of Unrealities That Occasionally Become Real. Thus We Conclude That Reality Is Subjective, Based On The Viewer And That All Is In Constant Turmoil. That Turmoil Is Chaos And That Chaos Is Reality.

The Previous Statements May Or May Not Be True. They May Or May Not Make Sense. Whatever You Do, Pay Attention To These Statements And Watch The Arrival Of A Time When They Make Sense And Are Not True.

Be It Known That We Are In Fact Erisians. Be It Known That Facts Are Therefore Meaningless. Be It Known Why Grass Is Blue And Sky Is Green?

* This Is The Most Important Of All Commandments.